I Married an Alien
by Vintage Taylor
Summary: "Sheesh, Cheech! Can't a guy just enjoy time with his family?" Being married to a temporary blonde isn't that bad. He's given up training, drives her around, and even told Gohan to study. Still, it's days before the Cell Games and Chi-Chi is becoming suspicious of Goku acting so uncharacteristically. Will his secret come out before hers? Gochi One-shot.
**A/N:** Hey-lo! Here is a little Gochi one-shot for the lovely blauvixen on tumblr! Everyone who isn't following her I HIGHLY recommend it. If this is deemed well enough by the queen herself she will be creating some beautiful art for a give-away! She's SO close to another 500 followers and truly deserves it.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! I'd say this one-shot falls into the timeline before that filler episode of Gohan's birthday! :-)

* * *

 _"The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes'."_

\- Anonymous

* * *

It was like looking into the sun.

Even in the darkness of the room, his locks contrasted so strongly against it that it nearly blinded her.

Well, not blinded. But her eye was twitching madly.

Chi-Chi had been staring at the back of her husband's head uncomfortably for about an hour now. She didn't even want to think about her poor baby boy in the other room, who most likely gotten the punker hair against his own will.

Not even gently, the wife ripped a golden strand out. She turned from being on her shoulder to on her back, holding the strand up high and giving it the death glare.

"Hideous," she hissed. "Ugly. Terrible."

How could a simple _hair color_ make her feel like she was sleeping with a total stranger!? Shirtless next to her, Goku still had his muscular frame and pecs that demanded attention. He still had that lovable smile, those large naive eyes.

 _But his hair!_

It simply wasn't working for the wife.

The black-haired beauty lifted her back off the mattress with the support of her palms and scanned her husband's face. His eyelids were shut tightly and a gentle snore escaped his open mouth. A pool had formed on the sheets where his drool dropped.

Thankful that Goku was a heavy sleeper, Chi-Chi crept out of bed and walked on her tippy-toes to be extra safe. When her father and Goku had built this house, she was lucky enough to have a bathroom just a few feet away.

After finding what she wanted in the medical cabinet, she let out a quiet yet evil chuckle while glaring at the blonde man across the room. Her devious hands wrapped tightly around the bottle of black hair dye that she bought extra boxes of for when she started to get gray hair.

She is considered too young for that, but being married to an alien has the power to age a poor gal rapidly if she wasn't careful.

Or if he wasn't careful.

Oh, what the heck! Everyone knows it's always the alien's fault!

Chi-Chi shook the bottle of mixed ingredients after sliding on some gloves and walked around the bed to Goku's side. Very quietly, she turned on his desk lamp and pulled a section away from that golden mess of his. She clicked her tongue and shook her head looking at the piece of hair and then pointed the tip of the bottle at the root.

"Easy now, easy..."

"Chi-Chi?"

"AH!"

Icy green eyes frightened the wife and mother of one into throwing the hair dye into the air. Another scream formed in the back of her lungs and released itself once the bottle opened midair and poured all over their white comforter and sheets.

"No, no, no!" Chi-Chi yanked on her long locks which were always tied into a bun during the day. Her lips curled back into a snarl as she brought her attention immediately to her blinking husband. "GOKU! How could you!?"

"How could I what?" he replied sleepily. "You were the one standing over me with that grape juice."

"IT WASN'T-" Chi-Chi stopped herself and sighed exhaustively. Perhaps it wasn't right to blame her husband for her jumpiness, but it definitely wasn't right to wake Gohan in the middle of the night. "Goku, it wasn't grape juice."

The blonde appeared lost. "But wasn't that the reason you were standing so close to me? To feed me grape juice in my sleep like I've always wanted?"

"Like you've always - no, I'm not going to go there with you!" Chi-Chi pinched the bridge of her nose. She didn't even want to look at the massive stain that had deepened onto the mattress as she sat on her husband's shins. It didn't matter if it were hair dye or grape juice; it was equally hard to remove. "...I'll just buy us some new bedding tomorrow. I think we have enough money saved up plus I also need to get Gohan's birthday gift-"

"I'll go with you!"

It was that statement right there that has gotten the wife so suspicious these past few days. First, Goku forced Gohan to go grocery shopping instead of letting him train. Second, he retired his orange gi for 'regular' clothes and even wore the jacket she had gotten him for their very first Christmas as a married couple. And lately, instead of being her big lug that loved to beat other big lugs up, he just wanted to hang around the house or go fishing.

And now _shopping_!

"Do I have a bug on my forehead or something?"

Chi-Chi hadn't realized she zoned out during her thinking process. She shook her head to snap out of it and placed her small hand on top of Goku's large one that rested on his blanket-covered thigh.

"Are you sick, honey? Did that heart disease come back?"

Goku bit his lower lip and moved his eyes in all directions, thinking hard. "Uh... I don't think so!"

The wife studied him for a moment to see if he was being truthful and then dropped her head. It had been a long day prior and she still had a large secret to tell her husband.

"Well, alright then," she frowned while studying the damage of the dye to their bed. It only seemed to soak in one area. "Looks like I'm going to have to sleep on the couch or something..."

"Why do you sound so funny?"

Chi-Chi remembered the nose clip she'd been wearing this whole time so she wouldn't inhale the dye fumes. Turning red, she removed the device and placed it on Goku's desk that was only used as a lamp holder. When she leaned over him to do it, Goku habitually collected the ends of her hair and squeezed it for a while.

Almost immediately feeling dizzy, Chi-Chi groaned and slapped his hands away. "The bed reeks of hair-... grape juice. The mattress got a taste of it too so throwing away the blankets and sheets won't work! I either have to sleep with the nose clip on or continue with my plan of sleeping on the couch!"

Goku frowned. He was watching his wife that sat on his legs as she held her head. Although he didn't say it much, she worked too hard for their family to be sleeping on a couch. Without giving her a warning, Goku jumped out bed and sent his wife flying to the ground on her bottom.

"GOKU! What-"

She closed her mouth as he answered her almost-question. Using his bulked-up and bare arms, Goku brought the mattress up and began shredding it in half. Chi-Chi felt her headache worsening at his opinion of a good idea. After performing the surgery, he opened their window and tossed the stained half outside along with the comforter and sheets. The clean half went back to its rightful place on the floor.

"Sorry about that," he appeared behind his fallen wife and chuckled while lifting her up by the underarms. He smiled when he felt the touch of her silk nightgown that still covered nearly every inch of her body. "You can sleep here tonight. I'll make sure to find a better place for that stuff out there in the morning."

When he had released her, she pouted and rubbed her arms up and down. "No, no. I think the living room is a better place for me... It's too cold in here with no comforter..."

Only she knew what she was doing, but the poor girl realize she may have to flat-out tell him she wanted to sleep as close as possible.

Goku looked to the left and right of him as if the answer to all life's questions were in that bedroom. "You can sleep on top of me if you want! My body in this form is really warm and you're not heavy at all."

Not exactly how she wanted it to be worded, but she still applauded him in her mind. She looked up from her unpainted toes and smiled sheepishly at her strong husband. "I would love that, Goku."

The golden boy grinned and back-flopped onto the shredded mattress. It was just wide enough to fit his frame. He struck up a finger and motioned for Chi-Chi to come to him. Feeling a little tingly at the gesture, Chi-Chi tucked a strand of hair behind her burning ear and crawled from the edge of the so-called mattress and fitting herself right on top of her alien.

"Comfortable, Cheech?"

She cupped his face with her hands while he wrapped his arms around the small of her back. Chi-Chi gave Goku a sweet kiss on his nose and smiled down at his green eyes.

"Very," she nuzzled his neck and closed her eyes happily. "I love you, Goku."

Her husband was already snoring again, dreaming of his wife feeding him grape juice.

* * *

"I hate your hair."

Goku took his eyes off the road for one second to give Chi-Chi's angry profile a heartbreaking grin. "I know you do, but it'll go back to normal after the Cell Games! Gohan's, too! Promise!"

"Good. I _really_ hate your hair."

Ever since the wife had awoken, she'd been in a very foul mood. It wasn't anyone's fault in particular, but nothing seemed to be going right this morning. Every time she tried cracking an egg, she failed and sent the yolk to the tiles. She'd been running to the bathroom nonstop, and Gohan had escaped through his window to visit Piccolo at the lookout instead of studying!

The boy had done so much training away from her and all she wanted was just a few days of working on his education...

"Awh, what's wrong? Was it that joke I said earlier?"

Chi-Chi rolled her eyes while glaring out the window. She had almost forgotten about that stupid joke. "Saying you're finally taking me somewhere expensive and then bringing me to the gas station isn't funny!"

Goku laughed so hard he accidentally pounded the horn. The man driving the blue car in front of them rolled down the window and gave him the bird. The messy-haired driver sweatdropped. "I guess not everyone is happy to be out shopping this morning like us, huh?"

Nobody was out on these roads to go shopping. They were all escaping the area before the Cell Games began. Chi-Chi knew Goku knew that as well and brought her attention to him.

"Pull over."

"You need to throw up again, Cheech?"

When she nearly seethed at him, Goku made a face and brought the car to the shoulder. The grass near the passenger side stood taller than the car, and on Goku's side cars zoomed and whizzed by in a hurry. They all carried loads of furniture and belongings, making Goku's stomach a little uneasy. He still managed to give his currently temperamental wife a grin.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"Me!?" Chi-Chi pointed a finger harshly at her chest and then even harsher at her husband's. "You! You need to tell me why you've been acting so strange this week!"

"Whaddya mean?"

"You know what I mean," she spoke sternly, like a teacher scolding a naughty student. "I know you better than anyone. Something's on your mind."

Goku tried his best to keep up his front, but the messy-haired hero broke as soon as Chi-Chi's face turned from serious to pained. He sighed and turned the radio, which was giving yet an announcement about the end of the world. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Having one hidden of her own, Chi-Chi gulped and squeezed his hand that now rested on her lap. "Of course you can."

Goku did his very darn-dest to not tell his wife the whole truth, because their relaxation period may come to an end if she knew the world desperately needed their son to be the one to fight Cell. She also seemed to be on edge herself lately, so it wasn't good to tell her there was a strong possibility of death lingering in the air. Oh what to say, what to say...

"Sheesh, Cheech! Can't a guy just enjoy time with his family!?"

"Goku!"

The hero raised his hands in defense in case she tried bopping him, and then placed them hurriedly on the steering wheel. "Sorry it came out like that Chi-Chi, but it's true! Can't we just be happy together? I haven't had time to relax with you in a long time."

Chi-Chi opened her mouth, but Goku had already gotten back onto the road to head to the shopping center. She looked down at her dainty hands and sighed at the silence.

"You didn't have to drive us if you didn't want to."

"Don't you love when I drive you places?"

"Yes, but-"

"Shhh," Goku didn't take his eyes off the bumper in front of him while trying to place a finger on his wife's lips. She bit the flesh gently when it finally reached her. "If you love it, then smile more often yeah? You're starting to look like the rest of these drivers."

Not knowing what to say, Chi-Chi stumbled over her words until only two came out. "Ugly hair!"

Her husband laughed. "See what I mean? Eh, at least you're cute."

The passenger crossed her arms over her chest like a petulant child, but a tiny smile she was doing her best to fight began forming. Her husband didn't always compliment her with words since he was so bad with them, but it really touched her when he could.

"Oh, shoot! We forgot the ropes!"

"Ropes?"

"How can the mattress stay on the roof if we don't have any ropes to hold it down!?"

Goku waved his wife off with one hand as he used his other to turn into the furniture store's parking lot. "Don't worry! We'll just have to give up a ride home and use instant transmission to bring us and our goods home."

He hadn't used any techniques or fought in so long, that Chi-Chi had almost completely forgotten he was able to do that. When they came to a stop, Chi-Chi blinked at the window shield as she watched her husband roll across the hood to get to her side. When he opened the door, he was grinning ear to ear.

"Watch out ladies and gentlemen," he mocked the voice of the announcer from the World's Martial Arts Tournament. "Miss Anonymous is here to buy a bed because she ruined hers with grape juice!"

Chi-Chi rolled her eyes as her husband chuckled. She playfully pushed him away as she got out of the car and walked ahead of him. When she heard the sound of the vehicle locking, she dug her list out of her purse and began reading out-loud. "Comforter, sheets, pillow cases, gift for Gohan... Oh gosh, _what_ should we even get Gohan!?"

Goku was eyeing Chi-Chi's backside as it swayed in front of him. He glanced around to make sure nobody was in the parking lot, and then lifting up his booted foot to kick her in the butt. Red-faced, She jumped a good five feet forward and pivoted around to yell at her hysterical husband.

"And just what in the heck was that for, blondie!?"

Perhaps it was the thirst for a good fight that he refused to have in days, or maybe it was the fact that he just wanted to kick his wife's butt, but Goku brought himself into a fighting position right in the center of the parking lot and smirked.

"I hope the mama hasn't lost her fighting sense!"

Chi-Chi scowled and turned her back on him. "Oh, grow up! I can't do this right now! We need to finish our errands!"

Her backside was once again tempting the poor guy. Not able to help himself, he used Instant Transmission to pop up in front of her. His hand struck out beside her ear, and lingered there for awhile after causing the black strand that hung from her bun to sway.

"Ooh I think you flinched," he winked. "Are you too scared to take on blondie?"

The wife's teeth were becoming clenched. She knew as soon as she told him the secret, he would leave her alone or even take extra precautions for her care. Like, a hot fudge sundae with cherries on top or maybe a slice of wedding cake. She nearly began drooling like Goku does when he knows what he's in for at dinnertime, when Chi-Chi _always_ did her best work.

"Goku, I do not know how man times I need to repeat myself but I. Can't. Do. THIS!"

Her husband frowned and scuffled his black boots that matched the sleeves of his jacket. "Alright, alright. I heard ya. Continue."

Chi-Chi eyed him suspiciously, but gave him a sharp nod before he moved out of the way for her. Just as she thought he was telling the truth, she found herself being lifted into the air.

"GOKU! PUT ME DOWN! WE NEED SHEEEEEEEEETS!"

"We need sheeeeets," he mocked teasingly. One hand was on her bottom while the other was in between her shoulder blades as he lifted her towards the sun. "I'm gonna take you down and I don't mean downtown! I mean six feet underground!"

"I'M PREGNANT GOKU!"

The hero ceased his cheer and lowered her slowly to his chest. He looked down at her red face, which had turned so after being lifted up so high. "How?"

"Seriously!?"

"Where is he?"

"...What!?" Chi-Chi strained her neck to see her husband was looking at her belly, which was still as petite as ever. The wife sighed and wrapped her arms around his muscular neck tighter while he began carrying her to the store's door. "Honey, I barely found out. I didn't want to tell you like this and have you all distracted during the Cell Games."

Like that would ever happen, she thought. During a fight, he never let _anything_ bother him. Just like their son, who should be more concerned about problem number four instead of saving the world.

Goku gently placed her back on her feet as they entered the air-conditioned building. They were beginning to understand why the parking lot was so empty. This store had never been this bare before.

"I wouldn't have tried fighting you if I knew..."

Chi-Chi looked up at her blonde man and squeezed his shoulder to make his guilty expression disappear. "Don't worry, hon. Besides, I could totally kick your butt if it weren't for this little guy or girl."

Goku grabbed his wife by her shoulders suddenly as they came to a stop in aisle five. He looked down at her like he had the most brilliant idea in the world. "Maybe if you _do_ fight while he's sleeping in there, he'll come out twice as strong! Kick me in the butt!"

Chi-Chi rolled her eyes when he said 'sleeping'. It was the only way she knew how to describe the whole baby thing to her innocent husband. "I'm not going to kick your butt, Goku."

He had already swiveled around so his back was towering above her. "Please?" she could tell he was pouting. "It's the only way this guilt will disappear."

Grumbling and mumbling under her breath, Chi-Chi decided maybe her husband did deserve a good butt-kicking. Without warning, she took a step back to angle her attack correctly and round-housed his bottom into a crate of pillows. She covered her mouth when he broke the entire case, now laying face down on a pile of pillows and rubbing his sore spot.

"Maybe _you_ should take my place in the Cell Games!"

* * *

Adjusting the new comforter that covered the new sheets on the new mattress, Chi-Chi smiled contently and returned to her vanity to write Gohan's name on his gift. She made sure to write Goku's name in the 'from' section extra large for taking them all the way across town after they were kicked out of the first store for breaking too many things.

"What was that thing called again?"

Chi-Chi didn't look up when she heard her husband enter the doorway. He had just finished bringing more firewood into the shed so Chi-Chi would have enough while he was gone.

"A telescope, dear. He can look at all the constellations with it."

"...?"

"Stars, dear."

He approached his wife from behind and she watched in the mirror as he searched her. His hands left her shoulders and slid down her body until they protected his child sleeping soundly in her belly. He rested his chin on top of her head and he looked at where his hands were in the mirror.

"Is this baby going to be the size of a penny?"

"No... I'm sure after all that fighting today, he's going to be bigger than average."

"Then why is your stomach so small? Remember when Gohan was sleeping there? Your stomach was huuuuuuge!"

Chi-Chi closed her eyes in brief annoyance. "Okay, Goku, I get it."

"Huuuuuuge!" his arms left her stomach to show his meaning of huge. When she turned around to glare up at him, he blinked his icy green irises. "What? Do you need to use the bathroom again?"

Like the night before, Chi-Chi cupped his face in her hands and searched him. Despite the altered appearance, he was still her Goku, still the monkey-tailed boy she met back on Fire Mountain. She came to the conclusion herself that perhaps the reason he had chosen family over training (with the exception of this morning), was because he was thinking the same thing.

In a few days, the world may be making its last turn. If they remain the people they always have been, and continue spreading love and peace to their family and friends, they could be happy with that happening even tomorrow.

"I just realized something."

"What's that, Cheech?"

"Blonde isn't that bad, after all."

Before they could kiss, Gohan stuck his head in the room. He figured his mother would have been on the porch prepared to scream him stupid, but there she was in the arms of his father looking happier than ever.

"Uh.. Mom?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I was going to do my chores, but it looks like someone already washed the dishes."

Chi-Chi's jaw dropped when her husband snickered and gave her a peace sign. She jogged to the kitchen, hoping it would be true. Gohan exchanged a secret handshake with his father when Chi-Chi began cheering and jumping up and down in excitement.

"Oh, boys! You're gonna get it now! I have a very, very special pie cooling in the windowsill I made for all three of us!"

Goku's face went pale. He whispered in his son's ear as soon as Chi-Chi hummed her way to the window. "Son, you're going to be the man of the house now because after your mother opens her eyes, she is going to kill me."

"GOOOOOOOOKUUUUUUUU!"


End file.
